Never waste money on hiring a copywriter again with these six copywriting hacks! And you know they must be good because I put HACKS in capital letters in the headline to show just how important this is!

Got access to a keyboard? Then write your content yourself. Seriously, what’s the worst that could happen?

The equivalent of the Magic Circle for copywriters (there isn’t one) will have me struck off for this, but before I’m silenced forever, be sure to follow these six magic tips for writing your own web content, LinkedIn profiles and/or any kind of wordy stuff you might need when promoting your business.

1. If you’re not sure your content is cutting it, just throw in loads of big words. It’ll impress your clever clients and completely go over the head of the dumb ones, so everyone’s happy – and it’s important to value all customers, remember. Oh, and if SpellCheck doesn’t highlight the word with a squiggly line underneath it, it’s 100% fine in your sentence, so don’t worry about context or carboniferous.

2. Speling and gramma is so overrated. dont wory about it. When you brag about you’re attention too detail, nobody aspects you to care bout words and stuff. Jesus, copyrighting really is steeling a living.

3. Keep things simple by listing a load of jargon, acronyms and technical language throughout your piece. Everyone knows that promoting and selling aren’t about attracting new customers, but about sticking it to your rivals and showing them how much better you are at alienating the general public.

4. Good copywriting is all about focusing heavily on past achievements. Nobody really cares if or how you can save them time and money in the future. They care about that last award you won, in 2015, that you nominated yourself for.

5. Jo insists that you all write your profiles and ‘About’ pages in the third person. Nothing says ‘approachable, open and trustworthy‘ more than someone who can’t stand to be in the same room as their own words and talks about themselves from the lofty position of being their own biggest fan. Jo knows best.

6. This is the most important hack and is pretty much a golden rule in copywriting. Give yourself a great job title. No, I don’t mean like in the nineties when we’d add ‘Supervisor’ to our CVs because we’d been given a set of keys or priority use of the photocopier. Call yourself something incredibly unique that raises more questions than it answers. Give away no link whatsoever to what you actually do. Nobody else is doing this, so your originality is sure to draw in the crowds, with people falling over themselves to find out more about you and your mysterious majesty. This is how sales are made in 2019. If somebody needs someone else to come in and deliver training to their staff, they’re not going to search for anything with the word ‘trainer’ or ‘training’ in it. No, they will most definitely perform a Google search for a ‘Disruptive Dream Weaver’.

So there you go, you’re never going to need me at all! Honestly, this copywriting lark, it’s really not a big deal.

Create your content yourself and make a lasting impression.

Post originally appeared on www.agoodwriteup.com May 2019.